The Meltdown of Umino Iruka
by meleth78
Summary: Iruka compares Genma and Kakashi, to disasterous consequences. For Genma anyway, not so much Kakashi. Iruka, Genma & Kakashi, IrukaKakashi implied.


Title: The Melt-Down of Umino Iruka by Meleth78

Genre: Humor/Romance

Characters: Iruka, Genma, Kakashi (Kakashi/Iruka implied)

Rating: PG for swearing

Status: ONE SHOT. This is NOT RELATED TO Look! Look! (even though the characterizations are pretty similar. hee) It exists in a world of its own BUT for those that haven't you might want to check out my other story called Look! Look! first which also features Genma. Couple of erm, in-jokes.

Comments: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to torture Iruka like this, but I just had to! He's still a sweet bon bon manly man, just slightly…unbalanced.

Disclaimer: They want to be mine, but they are not. No one cares how THEY feel.

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From an entirely objective point of view, Iruka found Genma very very good looking. The older jounin constantly had a jaded, world-weary air about him. And from the constant smirk on his lips to the arrogant and mocking light in his eyes, Iruka guessed that Genma knew that he was, in fact, very very good looking. The rest of the academy faculty certainly thought so. There was constant chatter from the younger staff members, both male and female about just how appealing the special jounin was. Some of them even watched the chuunin examination for the long-haired, senbon-chewing man, rather than for the battling young chuunin wannabes. But Iruka couldn't really blame them. Shiranui Genma was, as he had thought earlier, undoubtedly eye-catching and extremely handsome. But, for the life of him, Iruka couldn't feel an iota of attraction for the man. For this he blamed no other than Hatake Kakashi. The silver haired bastard had spoiled Iruka for all eternity.

Genma might have been handsome, but Kakashi was breathtakingly beautiful. Genma might have had lovely brown eyes, but Kakashi had gorgeously vivid blue…eye. Genma might chew on his needle in a mighty cool manner, but Kakashi worn his mask in an even more mighty cool manner. The list just went on and on. Even the way Kakashi looked intensely bored all the time was more appealing to the chuunin sensei than Genma's look of intense boredom. Kakashi's bored look was just more…sexy somehow. Like he was really, really, unbelievably so totally and completely bored. It was…just so HOT. Iruka sighed to himself knowing that there was no way he was going to un-spoil his Hatake-molested-sensibilities. The exhausted young teacher gently slammed his forehead on his desk and remained there, unmoving.

Unknown to the distraught Umino Iruka, Genma had noticed the intense manner in which the other man had been staring at him. Actually, it was hard not to. The younger man had been blantently staring, squinting even. At times the pony-tailed sensei even clutched at his head, shaking it in a highly aggrieved manner. The chuunin's usually neat hair was ruffled in a rather adorable manner, Genma thought to himself, sidetracked.

Back to the staring, Genma had noticed it this morning, then again at lunch and now in the evening in the teacher's lounge. If it had been any other shinobi, Genma would have chalked it off as yet another helpless lovelorn basket case, but this was Umino Iruka. Iruka sensei was one of THE hottest shinobi in the leaf village. Iruka sensei was also, as that disgustingly smug Hatake Kakashi liked to tell anyone willing to listen and also a few that didn't, taken. Very very, completely and irrevocably taken. Hopelessly curious, the jounin sauntered up to the chuunin and perched himself on Iruka's desk, rather startling the young sensei. His head shot up.

'Oi.' Said Genma

'Gen…Genma-san' stumbled the pony-tailed man, cheeks flushing.

'Why have you been staring at me?' Genma drawled. He was nothing if not blunt.

'I'm…I'm….Er…well' Iruka stuttered. Finally the young sensei decided that the truth was the only way to go. At most the older jounin would report his behavior to the Hokage and they would grant him a leave for absence for insanity. He had quite a few novels he hadn't had time to read. Plus, he hadn't sunned or aired his mattress out for quite a while, he should definitely do that. Who knew what creature colonies had spawned, given the copious amounts of bodily fluids that both he and Kakashi have regularly spewed on it.

Decision made, Iruka crooked his finger at the handsome jounin and as Genma leaned in, the younger man whispered,

'I'm trying to LIKE you.'

'What!' the older man yelled as he reared back.

'Shush! Kakashi might be around!' Iruka's dark eyes were wide and panicked as he waved his hands around in a bid to indicate to Genma that he should lower his voice.

'What the hell are you talking about?' the older man shot back, voice lowered a fraction.

'Kakashi. That bastard was so smug this morning!'

'What?' the older jounin was beyond confused. He wondered if the young sensei had perhaps cracked under the strain of his workload as well as dealing with the famously eccentric silver haired man.

'He kept going on and on about how faithful I was, and how much in love with him I was and how I worshiped his body…' continued the increasingly agitated Iruka.

'What?' asked Genma again, what the hell was going on?

'So what if I like licking his stomach.' shot back Iruka, not noticing the horrified look on the jounin's face. 'It's…it's very hard you know, and smooth' Iruka nodded to himself, confirming his assessment of Kakashi's hard, smooth belly. 'It even tastes like vanilla' he added as an afterthought. Then he abruptly glared at Genma as if something had suddenly occurred to him,

'Do you taste like vanilla?' The look in the chuunin's eyes was hopeful and scarily intense, like the answer Genma was going to give meant the world to him.

'What!' Genma all but squawked. He so did NOT need to know what Hatake Kakashi tasted like. As for Genma himself, well he most definitely did not taste like vanilla. Hmmm…what did he taste like anyway? He never really thought about it. Genma had to restrain the urge to lick himself just to check. Something more…salty or spicy probably. Raido was probably sweet. Iruka was probably also….Gah! Something wet and warm had swiped itself on the exposed skin of his arm.

Iruka looked disappointed as he stuck his tongue back into his mouth and smacked his lips together tasting. He finally muttered,

'I knew it. You don't taste like vanilla at all. He's spoiled me forever.' The chuunin sensei mourned. He returned his head to its original position, forehead lying on his desk before he continued speaking,

'I wanted to see if I could like you. I thought it would be easy. You're handsome, smart, and you look like you suck that senbon really, really well.' Iruka then peeked up slightly at Genma. 'Plus there's this rumor that you're VERY flexible and that you DO things.' A paused as Iruka waited for Genma to confirm the rumor. When the older jounin remained deathly silent, the pony-tailed head smacked itself against the table once again. Genma was pretty sure that he heard a mournful sniff coming from the down turned head.

'But I can't! I just can't! I love Kakashi so much. Conceited bastard. I hate him.' Sad sniffs and gulps were definitely emerging from the young sensei.

Genma decided that he had had enough. With Iruka too absorbed in his misery to notice, it was the perfect time for him to make his getaway. As the special jounin all but bolted away from Iruka's desk and across the teacher's lounge he heard the younger man call out,

'Genma-san! Genma-san! I'm not finished! I haven't told you about the way he smells! I haven't sniffed you yet! Genma-saaaan!'

Genma broke into a flat run, slamming past Asuma who was just entering the lounge. A second later, the dark haired special jounin was pretty sure he sensed Iruka's chakra suddenly fixate on the cigratte smoking jounin sensei.

O-o

As Kakashi, nose buried in his ever present porn novel made his way along the long hallway on route to the teacher's lounge, he heard Genma mutter darkly as the other man stalked pass him,

'Both of you are freaking nut cases.'

Before Kakashi could stop the other jounin to ask him what he meant, the man had turned the corner and vanished. Oh well, the silver-haired jounin thought, Genma was pretty cute but his Iruka was the most adorable being to walk the face of the earth. With that thought, the infamous Sharingan Kakashi made his way to where his love was sure to be happily waiting. Life was good.

THE END


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